How THE SHACK ruined my life

THE SHACK came to me at a time when I was desperately seeking answers to questions like, “Are you really out there, Jesus?” Before I read THE SHACK, I experienced a week where I struggled in and out of  depression. I had read about people who could not get out of bed because they were so discouraged–but I was definitely not one of those people. I could not understand how anyone could just stay in bed all day. Yet one day, I could not get out of bed–and I understood.  I managed to get out of bed early afternoon–but it was a scary struggle.  I was living alone at the time because I worked in town and my family lived in the country.

As much as I hated being away from my family, in some ways it was a blessing because it drove me to the depths of despair and I could really empathize with people who were lonely. My relationship with God was not very strong. Even though I had re-committed my life to Jesus six years previous, I had been discouraged in my walk with other Christians who seemed to be relating to a different Jesus and a different God.

During this time, every night I would wake up experiencing a really scary, perhaps demonic presence which told me how worthless I was. I felt so horrible–I just wanted to die. But instead, I called on the name of Jesus. I also would repent of all the things that I could think of.  Then I would think of all the various horrible ways that people were suffering in the world and I would weep and pray for them.

After about seven simultaneous visitations by this ominous presence,  I was really tired of the experience. This time I was determined to do something proactive. So I spent about two hours completely and utterly giving myself up to thinking of every painful experience that people could be having.  I imagined that these people were my close friends and relative. I let the grief wash over me until I was wailing and crying and praying. I cried out to Jesus to help me be a person who could alleviate this horrible suffering.  I asked for forgiveness for all the times I had fallen short. I felt as if I was being crucified.

And yet, at the same time, I felt a comforting presence. Who else could this be but my beloved Jesus who was always there for me in my time of deepest need.

The experience lasted for about two hours. I was spent. But I felt a peace that I had not felt for months–maybe years. I definitely felt the depression lift. Hope returned, giving me energy to do a google search that helped me find THE SHACK.

It took me a few days to find THE SHACK. I was still pretty vulnerable and praying that I could find something that could give me comfort and answers to the questions I had–like “Why does a good God allow so much suffering?” and “How do I relate to Jesus in a real and meaningful way?”

I remember reading or hearing about THE SHACK, and then immediately knowing that this was the answer to my prayer. I called Hastings Book Store, and was SO happy that they had two copies. I spent my last $16 on the book, and took it home to read it. I read late into the night, then finished it the next day. I cried so much, and was so deeply touched. It was as if I had spent time with God on a very intimate level.

I felt such great comfort. The experience was simply this: “God loves me especially. And he loves you especially.” This paradigm shift helped me to see myself and others with different eyes. Imagining that God loved me no matter what helped me immensely in feeling safe to confess my shortcomings and sins to a forgiving God who only wants the best for me. I could see that God wasn’t punishing me when things happened that I didn’t enjoy.   I realized that if I could learn to have a loving relationship with Jesus, I could truly be at peace. By listening and surrendering to him and working together with him to create the kingdom of heaven here on earth here and now, I could truly be content.

So how did this ruin my l ife?

I shared my story with people at a small church which I attended occasionally.  I had become more and more estranged from the people because I had differing beliefs. The main difference was that I did not believe the bible was inerrant.

People were allowed to give their testimonies. So I stood up and shared my impassi0ned experience, and how THE SHACK really helped me realize how much our Father loved me and everyone. I also shared how when I used the name of Jesus Christ, the demons fled. As I recall, everything I shared was about how my faith in Jesus was so much stronger than ever before. People came to me later and shared how they were touched by my testimony.

A week later, just minutes before the service that I decided to attend once again,hopeful that perhaps I could find some nourishment in this fellowship after having the freedom to share my experience, an elder came to me and asked to speak to me outside.

He said that the other two elders had decided that I could not speak, pray, dance, or do anything to minister to the attenders of the service–even though others could.

I was shocked. I thought my testimony the previous week had demonstrated my faith in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour. Now I was being censored. When I asked why, I was told that it was because I didn’t believe that the bible was inerrant. than others. When I said there were others who attended the service who definitely had differing beliefs about the bible being inerrant, he said reluctantly, “That is true..but you are more vocal about it.”

But looking back, I really think that my sharing about how THE SHACK impacted my life, and the overwhelming comfort I experienced from knowing  that God loves me and everyone especially, was what got me silenced.

I could be wrong…but I want to blame something. So I just will blame THE SHACK! But it was really the best thing that could have happened to me. I quit attending the service,which was really quite toxic for my spiritual growth. I fasted for a year from this fellowship. Now more and more people are reading THE SHACK, even though the elders think it is heresy.

There is hope…even for the elders–who God loves especially!